He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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