Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
