i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
