Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
