Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
