I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
