and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize