Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i out mim tonsoeep
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