I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
