So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize