she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
