At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
