great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
