Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
