I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
