I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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