something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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