eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
