i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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