So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
