But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize