she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
