so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
