We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
