She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
