Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
