he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
