Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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