what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
