in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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