my mouth tastes like poor choices
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
