I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
