So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize