I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize