we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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