You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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