dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
