Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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