I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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