i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
