Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
