No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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