You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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