Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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