My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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