Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
