it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize