so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
