Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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