i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
