Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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