omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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