I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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