I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
