We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
