3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
