We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
