I just cut my nipple shaving
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
