I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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