You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
