he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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