I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
