I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
