and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
