So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize