whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
