Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
