I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Even my vagina gasped.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
