cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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